you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
