I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
