So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
