I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I want is dick and wine.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
