I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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