I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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