Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
