My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
