How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
