my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
