I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
