Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
