life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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