I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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