btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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