i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
