There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
