She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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