and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
