hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He better not be in your backpack
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
