saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
