Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
