Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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