You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
