Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
