Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
