So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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