community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
