dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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