Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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