God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
