sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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