My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
