Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
