I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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