I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
