booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
