check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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