***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
