Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
