South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
