Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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