Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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