I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
