I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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