And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
