Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
