So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
