I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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