We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
